


city of dreams

by kinos



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, canon compliant sort of, fluff and angst and all that good stuff, yuki in new york!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 07:57:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinos/pseuds/kinos
Summary: In this city of dreams, it’s just him and Yuto.





	city of dreams

**Author's Note:**

> ok.. OK... i know.... another self indulgent yuki fic..... Boring ! but ever since yuto said he and hyunggu were roommates in new york i wanted to write something about it and i SWEAR it was just supposed to be them having dinner and cuddling for like 5 seconds but you know me.. i like making things difficult and complicated and so unnecessarily long so that's how This happened
> 
> this is sort of a sequel to [still the same](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13419567) as in its set in the same canon timeline (?) and you don't _have_ to read it but there are quite a few references to it and this current story will probably make a lot more sense if you do heh and for those who have read it and were wondering what ever happened to yuki in that, well, here you go!
> 
> also Ok disclaimer i don't actually know which part of new york they stayed in i'm assuming it was nyc and i just breezed past the actual kcon stuff bc i wasn't sure how the whole event actually went, this was just what i briefly understood of the schedule from twitter but wtv it's just a story anyway so !
> 
> i've read through this so many times over the past few days that it makes my head hurt so i'm sorry if there any mistakes that i missed i'll be sure to fix them when i can! happy reading!! <3

New York City.

It seemed like a fantasy, like a faraway land that they’d only see in old films, only hear of in stories whispered late at night. It didn’t seem like the kind of place that a bunch of kids like them could even _think_ about reaching, yet there they are.

In the midst of skyscrapers so tall that they seem to disappear into the clouds and people screaming their names so loud that it’d be impossible to ever forget the sound of it, there they are.

And, well, it is the city of dreams after all.

Hyunggu doesn’t remember how he’d gotten roomed with Yuto, he was still a little out of it from the long flight to notice that they’d all paired off in the lobby, but when he finds himself sitting opposite Yuto in a hotel room that’s much fancier than what they’re used to, everything feels a bit like a dream.

“This is the first time we’ve been roommates, right?” Hyunggu comments then, his cramped legs stretching out over the small space between their twin beds, and Yuto doesn’t even hesitate to take his feet into his lap, thumbs immediately pressing into the sore spots, like he just knew Hyunggu’s body as well as his own.

Yuto makes a face at his words, brows knitting together in the slightest confusion. “You say that like we’ve never crashed in each other’s rooms back at the dorms.”

“That’s different,” Hyunggu says, eyes rolling back, and just as Yuto opens his mouth to speak again, Hyunggu adds, with a point of his finger, “Staying at your house in Japan was different too.”

A smile crosses Yuto’s face as he realises that Hyunggu knew exactly what he was about to say, and as if admitting defeat, he pats Hyunggu’s leg and says, “Okay then, roommate.”

They take turns showering then, because being stuck on a plane for fourteen hours kind of makes your body feel all sticky and sweaty and gross.  And though they don’t have any plans for the day, they’ve got their first event lined up later that night, and well, they don’t exactly want to meet fans in yesterday’s clothes, do they?

And really, if they could share showers in their tiny bathrooms back home, then surely there would be more than enough space to do the same here, wouldn’t there? But neither of them are willing to be the first to offer, so Hyunggu silently waits the half an hour that it takes for Yuto to bathe, and Yuto doesn’t say anything about it when they pass each other in the doorway.

“I think I’m gonna take a nap now,” Hyunggu says through a yawn once he’s all washed up, falling face first onto his bed, dressed in nothing but a flimsy robe that he’d found in the closet.

He vaguely hears Yuto mention something about hitting the gym, already beginning to doze off by the time that he decides to head out, and he thinks he feels Yuto ruffle his hair as a goodbye before he goes, but that might be a dream too.

It isn’t a dream though, because Hyunggu wakes to the same exact feeling, gentle fingers carding through his hair, a gentler voice calling out his name.

“Hyunggu?” It’s Yuto’s voice, of course it is, and for a moment there, even though he’s already awake, Hyunggu wills his eyes to stay shut, just to hear Yuto say his name again.

And Yuto does, louder this time, but somehow, it’s softer than before, hand slipping down to run his knuckles along Hyunggu’s face. “Hyunggu-ya… Wake up, please.”

It’s hard to stay still when Yuto’s being so sweet, and as much as Hyunggu tries to pretend he’s still asleep, it’s almost impossible to stop his mouth from betraying him, already feeling the corners of it turn up slowly.

Yuto shifts around him, and it’s only then that he realises the guy is sat on his bed, hovering over his supposedly sleeping body.

If Hyunggu sat up right now, he’s pretty sure his face would collide with Yuto’s, just enough for their lips to meet, and he doesn’t know why a part of him itches to do just that.

But before he can, there’s a sound that resembles a snicker, and Hyunggu really should’ve expected it when Yuto pinches his cheek, telling him, “I can see you smiling, you know.”

That makes Hyunggu open his eyes, and like a reflex, his features push out into a pout, his voice coming out whiny when he says, “You’re supposed to play along!”

“Not right now,” Yuto says with a small laugh, moving to pull Hyunggu up by the arms, and he shakes his shoulders to rid him of his slumber. “We have to leave soon.”

It takes a moment for him to process what Yuto is saying, before Hyunggu realises he’s practically slept through the whole day, and a quick glance at the clock on the bedside table tells him that it’s already time for them to head over to their venue for the night.

Hyunggu forces himself to get to his feet, nodding absentmindedly as he lets Yuto be the one to make him seem presentable.

“Come on now, sleepyhead.” Yuto splashes cold water on Hyunggu’s face, smacking his cheeks as lightly as humanly possible, giving him a toothy grin. “Up, up, up.”

Hyunggu can only groan in response, still too lazy to function properly, and when he makes no other move to get himself ready, Yuto narrows his eyes at him, a hint of teasing in his tone when he says, “Don’t tell me you need me to get you dressed too.”

That wakes him up for real, eyes going wide at the statement, suddenly hyper aware of just how naked he is right then, hands immediately pulling that tiny robe of his tighter around his body.

“I can dress myself,” Hyunggu huffs, hoping that his face isn’t heating up too much, and he ignores Yuto’s laughter when he shoos him out of the bathroom, muttering something about personal space.

But Yuto only laughs harder when Hyunggu has to come back out to grab his clothes from his bag, accidentally walking right into Yuto’s bare chest where he’s undressing, and _well,_ there’s definitely no hiding his blush now, is there?

—

In the time between leaving the hotel and bowing goodnight to the crowd that had come to see them, Hyunggu still felt like he was dreaming.

He felt like Yuto hadn’t really woken him up, like if he blinked hard enough, he’d find himself back in that fancy room, or maybe he’d even wake up in his bunk bed back in the dorm. Maybe they hadn’t even come to New York at all.

Because all those people, all those cheers, so many unfamiliar faces, so far from home, chanting their names, singing their songs, how could it possibly be real?

“Hey, you okay?” Yuto asks once they’re back in their room, coming over to slide his arm around Hyunggu where he’s standing on the balcony, caught in a daze as he stares out at the city lights. “You seem a little off.”

Hyunggu only hums in answer, content to just lean against Yuto for a while, head falling onto his shoulder, hoping that the gesture would be enough to assure him that he’s alright.

But Yuto has always been oblivious to his wordless hints, so he turns his head towards Hyunggu, nudging his nose against his hair to get his attention, and again, he asks, “Are you okay, Hyunggu?”

“I’m fine,” Hyunggu replies this time, and he musters up his best smile, but he doesn’t think it quite reaches his eyes. “I’m just… taking it in, I guess. Everything feels a bit surreal right now, that’s all.”

He feels Yuto nod against him, as if he’s trying to say that he understands, then Yuto pulls him in closer, breathing out a sigh. “If the crowd tonight was already this huge, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like tomorrow.”

The actual concert is only tomorrow night, along with the other events leading up to it throughout the day, and the thought of it makes Hyunggu’s insides churn, palms growing sweaty where they’re gripping onto the railing, and he hates it.

He hates it because after performing in front of so many people, so many times, he should know better than to let his nerves get the best of him.

He should know that he can’t afford to have cold feet, to hold back from giving it his all, because people have high hopes for them, people have been anticipating them, waiting for them.

But Hyunggu fears that they won’t live up to their expectations, that _he_ won’t live up to their expectations.

He’s afraid he won’t be good enough.

“We’re gonna do well,” Yuto says then, like he could tell just what Hyunggu was worrying about, and he reaches down to squeeze his hand, just once. “You’re gonna do well, Hyunggu-ya.”

 _Ah,_ maybe he isn’t so bad at reading Hyunggu’s mind after all.

As if to distract him from giving in to his unease, Yuto steers him away from the dark sky and back into the safety of their room, setting him down in one of the seats in the corner.

“Hungry?” he asks, eyebrows raising in question. “We can order room service, if you want.”

Hyunggu only offers a shrug in response, not exactly starving, but hungry enough to accept a meal if it came.

Yuto takes that as a yes, and he’s already by the phone, dialing up the number, and-

“You don’t know what to say, do you?” Hyunggu muses when Yuto sends him a panicked look across the room, hand covering the phone while the receptionist calls out confused hellos on the other end.

He goes over to speak instead, and he wouldn’t say his English is fluent, but Hyunggu thinks he’s got enough command of the language to get room service at the very least, and a brief look at the menu lets him order a steak without tripping over his sentence.

“That was amazing,” Yuto tells him once he hangs up, staring at him in awe as if he’d given an entire speech and it makes Hyunggu laugh, his head shaking.

“It was, like, ten words, okay?” he tries to say, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, feeling shy at the unnecessary praise.

But Yuto clicks his tongue at him disapprovingly, shooting back, “Still ten words more than I could manage,” and well, Hyunggu supposes that’s true.

Yuto sighs then, and he says, “You know, you can speak so many languages. Korean, Japanese, English… You probably know more Chinese than I do too.” A cheeky grin splits his face, reaching out to take one of Hyunggu’s hands in his own, toying with his fingers. “I should keep you in my pocket and take you with me wherever I go.”

“Like a little translator?” Hyunggu snorts, giving him a rather unimpressed look, but he laughs anyway when Yuto chirps out a, “Yup!”

Yuto continues his teasing, poking fun at Hyunggu about this and that and anything he can think of to make him smile and forget his troubles. And it works, his jokes making Hyunggu feel a lot lighter than before, no more tension hounding him, and by the time that their food arrives, Hyunggu thinks he’s laughed so much that he might just start crying.

“Whoa,” Yuto says when he looks down at the steak that they’d ordered, and when Hyunggu sees how big it is, he lets out an equally as startled gasp, almost regretting it right there and then.

Maybe it was a mistake to get such a large meal so late at night, but Hyunggu is relieved that he’d at least had the sense to ask for only one to share. And, well, neither of them are the type to waste, so they figure the faster they get around to eating it, the better.

Yuto takes the first bite, and his eyes widen in the adorable way that they do whenever he’s surprised, covering his mouth to mumble out, “It’s so much softer than I expected.”

To prove his point, he offers a piece to Hyunggu, getting a similar reaction from him, paired with a gleeful, “It _is_ soft!”

And despite their initial concern, between the two of them and their half-empty stomachs, it doesn’t take any longer than five minutes to clear the plate, and they’re both more than satisfied once they’re done.

But with dinner out of the way, they’re one step closer to tomorrow, and those anxious thoughts begin to creep up on Hyunggu once more, slowly draining the joy that had lit up his face just earlier.

He doesn’t want to burden Yuto about it again, doesn’t want to risk dragging his spirits down too, so he busies himself with sorting out his clothes, his toiletries, spending at least ten minutes longer than any normal person would while he brushes his teeth, unblinking as he stares at himself in the mirror as if it would make him feel any better.

But it doesn’t help, and as much as he’d tried not to show it, Yuto picks up on it anyway, sitting up where he’d been lying down on his bed as soon as Hyunggu drags himself out of the bathroom, head hung low.

“Hyunggu?” Yuto calls his name, but he doesn’t move towards him, as if he’s afraid that Hyunggu wouldn’t want him to. “Still thinking about tomorrow?”

He only manages a half-hearted, “Sort of,” and before Yuto can launch into a whole pep talk about how Hyunggu has nothing to worry about, he flashes a fleeting smile. “It’s fine. I’m just gonna sit here for a while.”

“It’s pretty late, though,” Yuto says, frowning at him, and though Hyunggu doesn’t want to admit it, he’s right. It was already well into the night when they’d gotten back, and between dinner, showers, and all their little chats, they’d lost one too many hours that should’ve been spent catching up on their sleep.

But…

“I already napped just now, remember?” Hyunggu is quick to use it as an excuse, in hopes that Yuto will just give up and go to bed first, but he doesn’t bite.

Instead, he heaves a tired sigh, like he’s not up for arguing with Hyunggu about this. “Yeah, but that was _before_ you performed a bunch of songs and jumped all over the stage.” And like an awful reminder, he says, “Tomorrow’s gonna be an even longer day. You should rest up as much as you can.”

Hyunggu knows that, ultimately, Yuto makes a fair point, that he does need the sleep, but he also knows that there’s no way he’ll be able to shut his eyes when he’s feeling like this, that there’s no point in even trying.

“I’ll sleep later, I promise,” Hyunggu insists, his voice firm, wishing that Yuto will just get the hint and leave him be. “You go ahead and sleep first.”

The other members that he’s roomed with before always knew better than to bother him when he fell into moods like this. He wouldn’t say that it was because they didn’t care about him, but it was more the fact that even after all these years, none of them quite knew how to handle Hyunggu when he was acting this way.

Sure, he goes to Hwitaek when he’s in trouble, and yeah, Changgu has talked him out of bad spots more times than he’d care to admit, but when it comes down to it, they all know that it’s best if he just deals with his problems on his own until the feeling passes.

Yuto either doesn’t get it, or he just doesn’t care, because he stands then, walking right over to Hyunggu, and he doesn’t even get a chance to figure out what’s happening until Yuto is hauling him into bed with him, trapping him between his arms.

“What are you-”

“Shhh.”

“Yuto-”

“Quiet, Hyunggu,” he whispers, the words caught in the space between their lips, his eyes already pressed shut. “Just sleep.”

Hyunggu has no idea what Yuto thinks he’s doing, but a squirm or two tells him that there’s no way out of his hold, Yuto’s arms far stronger than he’d expected.

“What’s your plan here, huh?” he sighs, bumping his forehead against Yuto’s to make him open his eyes. “Cuddle me until I fall asleep?”

“Yes,” is Yuto’s answer, and _really?_

Hyunggu tries not to roll his eyes, but he can’t help it, and he can’t hide the skepticism in his tone either when he asks, “Do you seriously think that’s gonna work?”

The look on Yuto’s face right then seems to say that he _does_ think it’s going to work, that he’s just waiting for it happen so he can tell Hyunggu ‘I told you so!’, but instead of being smug about it, he cracks a half-smile and he says, “No harm in trying, right?”

Yuto doesn’t wait for a reply, doesn’t wait for Hyunggu to coax him out of it, he just shuffles around until he finds a position that’s comfortable for them both, arms still clinging onto him. But this time, his legs wrap around him as well, and Hyunggu is suddenly grateful that he’d decided to change into his pyjamas instead of just staying in that stupid robe.

It’s quiet then, the room going still, and the city sounds from outside their walls begin to blur, as do the warm lights by the door, and for a moment, it’s just him and Yuto. Just their bodies, their breathing, nothing else, and it’s… _peaceful._ Calm. Safe.

Hyunggu doesn’t know what it is about this situation that seems to soothe him, doesn’t know if it’s just the feeling of being held in someone’s arms, or if it’s the fact it’s _Yuto_ who’s holding him, but he gives in to it either way.

His eyes fall shut, his body relaxes, but as much as he tries to make it stop, his mind is still screaming at him.

Except, he isn’t thinking about tomorrow or the concert or anything like that anymore. Right now, all he can think is: _Why?_

Over and over, when it comes to Yuto, that’s all Hyunggu can wonder. _Why?_ Why does he do what he does? Why doesn’t he just leave Hyunggu alone? Why does he comfort Hyunggu when he could just mind his own business? Why does he waste his time cheering him up when he could go do his own things? Why does he try to put Hyunggu to sleep when he could just throw the covers over his own head and call it a night? _Why, why, why, why, wh-_

“Why do you treat me so well?”

The question slips out of Hyunggu’s mouth before he realises it, and his throat closes up as soon as it does, biting down on his tongue as if that could magically take back what he said.

There’s no answer, no movement, not a single hint of reaction to his words, and Hyunggu can only hope that it means that Yuto had already fallen asleep, that he hadn’t heard him.

But he supposes Yuto _did_ hear him after all, because he tightens his hold on Hyunggu, nestles his head closer to his, and all he says is, “Why wouldn’t I?”

It isn’t what Hyunggu is expecting, he has no idea what it’s supposed to mean, and it only stirs up more questions in him, but he swallows them down, buries them deep. He pushes them far, _far_ away because he thinks he’s bothered Yuto enough for a lifetime, and voicing his stupid thoughts would only ruin this, ruin them.

So Hyunggu prays, _begs,_ for his mind to finally let him rest, ignoring the blaring sirens in his head, and instead, he focuses on the sound of Yuto’s breathing, the feeling of his body against his, the idea that, in this moment, there’s no one else in the world but the two of them.

In this city of dreams, it’s just him and Yuto.

—

That entire night must have been a dream, or at least, a part of it was, because Hyunggu wakes to an empty bed, the space beside him already cold, and he wonders why feels disappointed by it.

He doesn’t get a chance to ask Yuto about the night before, because everyone had apparently overslept and thanks to that, they were running so late that Hyunggu barely even manages to say a single word to him that entire morning.

The events scheduled for them happen one after another, everything going by so quickly that he can’t even stop and think about how nervous he is. Seeing all the fans helps put his heart at ease too, growing more and more comfortable every time he meets the eyes of someone who’s cheering for him. But it isn’t enough, none of it is enough.

Once he’s alone again, away from the bright crowds, Hyunggu feels those awful voices start to gnaw away at him like before, filling his head with venom. He feels them bubble up in him as he’s waiting backstage, right about to head out for their performance, just a few moments away from this dream that he’d never thought he’d achieve.

He feels them burning, twisting, clawing at his insides, and just as his knees are about to give out, there’s a hand on his back that keeps him from falling. It runs up and down slowly, as though it was taking away his nerves, leaving only serenity in its wake.

The touch calms him, letting him press into it, into _him,_ and just like last night, he hears Yuto tell him, “You’re gonna do well, Hyunggu-ya. I know you will.”

 _This is enough,_ Hyunggu thinks. It isn’t much, but it’s more than enough. It’s just what he needs, and if Yuto says that he’s going to do well, then he will. He knows he will.

And he does, he really does. All of them do well, putting on a show that they’ll never forget, basking in the sound of an entire stadium singing their songs, the sight of everyone around them dancing together.

Right then, standing on stage with his members beside him, with Yuto beside him, Hyunggu knows that he’ll never have to worry again, that he’ll always do well if he’s with them, with him.

As soon as he’s back in that hotel room, ready to crash for the night, he knows he’ll finally be able to find sleep now that he’s done his best, he’s ticked this dream off of his list. All the exhaustion from the past few days begins to take a toll on Hyunggu, and by the time that Yuto manages to lug him into bed, he’s already on the verge of knocking out.

But just before he drifts off, like a dream, like a memory, like he’s imagining things all over again, he feels Yuto’s lips on his cheek, just for the briefest moment, and all of a sudden, Hyunggu is wide awake.

He tells himself that it’s nothing, that it’s just his tired mind playing tricks on him, that Yuto isn’t even really there.

Yuto is there, though, sliding under the covers next to him, slipping his arms around his middle, and he hooks his chin over Hyunggu’s shoulder, his cheek now resting right where he’d kissed him.

“You know your bed is over there, right?” Hyunggu coughs out, keeping his voice as still as he can, his body frozen too.

“I know,” is all Yuto says in return, snuggling closer to him, like he isn’t planning to move away, and Hyunggu thinks that maybe last night wasn’t a dream after all.

And if it isn’t a dream, then he wonders why Yuto is doing this, wonders if it means anything or if he just treats all his roommates this way.

Hyunggu doesn’t dare ask, and it doesn’t seem like Yuto is going to give him an answer either way.

So, instead, he says, “Thank you for today,” knowing that Yuto will understand what he’s talking about, and he does, nodding an acknowledgement against his head.

“I told you you’d do well,” he murmurs, voice already laced with sleep, even lower than it usually is. “You always do.”

It’s a simple praise, nothing all too fancy, but it makes Hyunggu feel a million times better than any flowery compliment ever could, his heart growing three sizes bigger right there and then.

“You did well too,” Hyunggu says back, hoping that Yuto knows he means it, that he isn’t just saying it because Yuto did. “You always do.”

He feels Yuto smile, cheeks lifting against his own, and he tells him, “I always do well when I’m with you.”

Hyunggu knows that Yuto probably meant _you,_ _the group, all of you,_ but his face burns anyway, heart racing, and with the way they’re practically glued together, it’d be impossible to hide it, so before Yuto can notice, he changes the subject.

“It’s a shame we barely got to see the city though, isn’t it?” is what he says then, and though it had just been a stray thought to distract Yuto, it _is_ something that he’s been meaning to mention.

Between commuting and performing and all the busy bits in the middle, they’d only managed to catch glimpses of the city, and even then, it was mostly just stolen glances through car windows.

Yuto sighs, his breath warm when it hits Hyunggu’s skin, his hands even warmer when they press onto his stomach, and Hyunggu thinks everything about Yuto is warm.

Hyunggu thinks he likes that about him.

“It’d be nice if we got to spend a few more days here to properly enjoy it,” Yuto agrees, but he’s quick to replace his disappointment with optimism, adding, “It’s okay. Next time.”

That gets a small laugh out of Hyunggu. “Next time?”

“Yeah, next time,” Yuto echoes, laughing too, and he stretches an arm up, waving it above them like he’s drawing a map. “Once we get the chance, we can go anywhere in the world. Anywhere we want.”

Hyunggu goes still. “We?”

“I told you I’d take you with me wherever I go, didn’t I?” Yuto reminds him, and for a moment, Hyunggu is flattered, until he remembers how that whole conversation had even come up in the first place.

“To be a translator?” Hyunggu chokes out lamely, already embarrassed, and-

“No,” Yuto says, hugging him closer, tighter, warmer, warmer, warmer. “Just to be with me.”

They fall into silence after that, the same quiet that had enveloped them the night before coming once again, peaceful, calm, safe, and Hyunggu can feel Yuto’s breathing level out, his body growing heavier around him as sleep slowly pulls him under.

Before Yuto completely falls, jaded voiced sparked with wonder, he whispers to Hyunggu, “That would be a dream, wouldn’t it?”

And Hyunggu doesn’t know how to tell him that every moment with him already feels like a dream.

—

An entire week after New York and Hyunggu has finally convinced himself that none of it was a dream, that it had all actually happened, and that even though it did, it didn’t change anything.

Hyunggu still has his off days, and Yuto is still the one who knows how to make those days better. Hyunggu still leans into Yuto too much when he laughs, and Yuto is still the one who makes him laugh the most. Hyunggu still has his dreams, too many dreams, and Yuto is still the only one that he dreams of.

Hyunggu is still Hyunggu, Yuto is still Yuto, they’re still them and that’s okay. Or at least, it has to be okay.

It has to be okay, because Yuto hasn’t changed, not one bit, and Hyunggu doesn’t want to be the one to make things weird, awkward.

It has to be okay, because they’re paired up again for a game broadcast, sat side by side, stuck together, and Hyunggu has to pretend that he’s alright with that.

It has to be okay, because no matter what, they’re still the same, they’ll always be the same, and Hyunggu hates the selfish part of him that wishes they could be different, be _more._

And he wonders why that is. He wonders why he feels this need, this _want_ for Yuto that he doesn’t feel for the others. He wonders why it’s only Yuto who can comfort him, who can understand him when he can’t even understand himself. He wonders why he dreams of Yuto and Yuto alone.

He wonders, but that’s all he can do because they could never be what Hyunggu wants them to be, and maybe it’s better if he just forgets about the entire trip, if he just locks it up in a dark box, waits until it fades away in his memory.

Though it seems that the rest of the world isn’t quite ready to let it go, their topic of conversation inching towards the visit, until Yanan asks, “Yuto, who did you share rooms with?”

Hyunggu’s hand shoots up in answer, just as Yuto says, “I shared a room with Kino.” As an afterthought of a sort, his arm stretches behind Hyunggu, hand latching onto his shoulder like an instinct, and he adds, “It was really fun.”

Hyunggu almost laughs.

“ _Fun?_ ” He doesn’t know what Yuto means by that, because they’d barely spent any time in that room, and in the moments that they’d actually been in there, Hyunggu had just been a nuisance, a bother, his childish behaviour only guilting Yuto into wasting his time on him. “What did you do that was fun?”

If Yuto senses any hostility in his words, he pays no mind to it, simply throwing his other arm around Hyunggu as well, tugging him closer, and he’s giddy when he says, “We slept together like this.”

And in the same way that Yuto’s ghost of a kiss had reminded him of that night in Japan, Yuto’s familiar embrace brings that weekend in New York back to Hyunggu in a rush, making him dizzy, weak, flashes of them together over those few days skirting through his mind.

_Busy days, silly jokes, shared laughter. Quiet nights, gentle smiles, whispered promises. Warm hugs, secret kisses, dreams that’ll never come true. Him and Yuto, him and Yuto, him and-_

“Yeah, it was fun,” is all that Hyunggu can bring himself to say.

It’s easy to lie, to act, to put on a show for the cameras, for the members, but once they’re all gone, Hyunggu can’t keep it up any longer. He can’t sit there and look at Yuto without aching to tell him how he really feels, what he really wants. He can’t stop himself from asking Yuto why, why, why, and finally getting the answer that they both deserve to hear.

He can’t, so instead, Hyunggu turns away from him, leaves him behind, hides in solitude, and he hopes that this time, Yuto will know better than to come after him.

But ah, Yuto, stupid Yuto, sweet Yuto, he never understands. Or maybe he understands too much. Maybe he knows Hyunggu too well, and Hyunggu doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do about that.

He doesn’t know what to do when Yuto climbs up onto his bed, the top bunk that he still stays in even though the bed beneath him has been vacant ever since Shinwon decided he wanted his own space.

He doesn’t know what to do when Yuto circles his arms around him, pulling him up against his body just like he did back in New York and so many times before that.

He doesn’t know what to do when Yuto is there, he’s always there, and Hyunggu can only ask, “ _Why?_ ”

“You missed dinner,” is Yuto’s simple reply, voice in his ear, chest against his back. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Maybe he doesn’t understand Hyunggu after all, maybe he still can’t see what this is really about, and Hyunggu is tired of waiting around for him to just get it.

“I’m not talking about dinner,” Hyunggu says then, sounding serious, and he feels Yuto freeze behind him, just for a second, until Hyunggu turns in his arms, facing him properly.

Yuto relaxes once Hyunggu is looking at him, features softening at the sight of him, and a hand comes up to trace the curve of Hyunggu’s face, Yuto’s palm resting against his cheek.

“What then?” he asks, a hint of concern tainting his question, like for the first time, he isn’t sure how to handle Hyunggu. “What’s wrong?”

“You,” Hyunggu blurts out, then- “Or, well, not _you,_ but… You and me. Us.”

There’s a flicker of confusion that clouds Yuto’s eyes for the briefest moment, then he blinks, and as quick as it came, it disappears. “Us?”

Hyunggu nods, but it’s stiff, hesitant, unwilling almost, like he regrets bringing it up. Still, he’s already halfway there, and it’d be even harder for him to forget about it now, so he might as well just spit it out.

“There’s nothing _wrong,_ really, I just- I just want to know why…” His gaze lowers, voice hushed, and his hands start to shake where they’re trapped between their chests. “Why do you care about me so much?”

Before Yuto can even open his mouth, Hyunggu cuts in with a warning, “And don’t you dare say something like, _‘why wouldn’t I?’_ the way you did that day.” His fists ball up against Yuto’s shirt, frustrated, desperate. “I deserve a real answer.”

“I deserve an answer too,” Yuto says, and Hyunggu frowns.

“An answer to what?”

“Why do _you_ care about _me_ so much?”

That’s Yuto’s question, the same exact question that has plagued Hyunggu’s mind for too long now, and he doesn’t know if he has an answer for him.

“What are you trying to say?” Hyunggu’s voice wavers, feeling naked all of a sudden, like his entire heart was splayed out for Yuto to see. “I don’t-”

“You know, you’re the one who chose to room with me in New York,” Yuto tells him, interrupting his confusion, and the information is completely new to Hyunggu, unsure what this has to do with what they’re discussing, but he waits for Yuto to explain it anyway, feeling curious now.

“You probably don’t remember it, because you were pretty jetlagged then, but you’re the one who picked me.” A small smile lifts the corner of his mouth. “You told me that since it was just the nine of us, someone would have to end up alone, and you didn’t want it to be me.”

Hyunggu doesn’t remember it at all, he must’ve been too tired, but the thought of being so forward with Yuto makes him feel embarrassed, wondering why he’d done that.

“And through the whole event, weren’t you the one who helped me understand what everyone was saying? Whispered to me what I should answer to people so I wouldn’t look like such a fool?”

Now, _that,_ Hyunggu knows he’d done, because no matter how conflicted his feelings towards Yuto were at the time, he wanted to let Yuto enjoy it as much as he could, to let him connect with as many fans as possible.

“Even when we were trainees, you were the one who always took the initiative to speak to me in Japanese, even when you weren’t so fluent in it yet, just to make sure that I always had someone to talk to.”

 _This,_ Hyunggu remembers, he remembers all the late nights he’d stayed up to perfect his Japanese after Yuto showed up, conversing with him whenever he had the chance, wanting to make his stay there as comfortable as possible.

Yuto looks at him, really looks at him, and he says, “You care about me as much as I care about you, Hyunggu. You always have, and even now, even if you don’t see it, you’re still the same.” He tilts Hyunggu’s head up, their gazes locking, and he smiles. “Now, you tell me why that is, and maybe you’ll find the answer to your question too.”

_Why does he care about Yuto that much? Why has Hyunggu always looked out for him? Why is it him, only him, always him?_

Hyunggu knows why, he’s always known it. He’s always known why they’ve never changed, why they’ve stayed the same, stayed _together._ He knows why it’s only Yuto who makes him smile, who calms his heart, who fills his mind late at night. He knows why, why, why, and it’s because-

“I love you, Yuto.”

There’s the answer he’s been looking for, the answer that Yuto deserves, the answer to everything, except-

“But…” Hyunggu gulps, and he can’t find the strength to match Yuto’s smile. “That’s not your answer, is it?”

“Isn’t it?” Yuto counters, that stupid smile still on his face, and Hyunggu wants to wipe it right off, tired of his vague answers, wanting him to just fucking say it already.

His frustration seems to be amusing to Yuto, the boy letting out a laugh that’s more than out of place in their current state of affairs, yet Hyunggu’s heart still skips a beat at the sound of it, and that alone is enough to confirm his confession, because only Yuto could make light of such things and still manage to make Hyunggu feel like he’s on cloud nine.

And Yuto doesn’t make it any better when he pinches Hyunggu’s nose, still grinning like a fool, and as if he hasn’t had enough of messing with Hyunggu’s head, he says, “You idiot. Do you really not know?”

Maybe Hyunggu is an idiot, maybe he’s the stupid one, maybe it’s him who never understood Yuto, never understood anything at all.

“Not know _what?_ ”

Yuto lets out a sigh, and that grin of his waters down into a fond smile instead, his head shaking slowly like he can’t believe that he has to spell it out for Hyunggu.

“Why do you think I treat you the way I do?” he starts, a hum thrumming in his question. “Why I go out of my way for you? Like that night in Japan, when I took you out for a walk, or last week in New York, when you couldn’t sleep.” His eyebrows arch high, an expectant look in his eyes, like he’s just waiting for Hyunggu to figure it out. “Whenever you need me, I’m there. Now, tell me again, why is that?”

The answer is obvious, the answer is the same as his own, but to admit it would be a dream, one that Hyunggu doesn’t think will ever come true, one that couldn’t possibly be true.

So, to spare his own heart, to turn this situation into a joke the way Yuto did, Hyunggu coughs up a pathetic, “I don’t know… Because I- I’m annoying when I don’t get what I want and it’s easier to just entertain me than to listen to me whine for three hours?”

“Well, there’s that,” Yuto agrees, but as soon as Hyunggu’s expression turns cold, he laughs again, louder this time. He catches Hyunggu’s face between his open palms, stopping him from turning away, pushing the edges of his mouth up into a smile, and Hyunggu hates that it works, that the smile remains even when Yuto’s fingers loosen, even more so when he says, “And there’s the fact that I do it all because I care about you, because I want you to be happy, because I want to be the one who makes you happy.”

Yuto sighs again, like that’s all he can do now, but this time, he lets it fall onto Hyunggu’s lips, sealing the space between them with a kiss. Not the hidden brushes against his cheek when he thinks that Hyunggu is asleep, not the sweet pecks on his forehead when he’s being a little too affectionate, but a real kiss, a kiss that’s the answer Hyunggu has been looking for, the answer he deserves.

The answer to everything is, “I love you, Hyunggu, as much as you love me.”

And now, Hyunggu knows why, he understands, he realises that they don’t need to be different, to be anything more, because even if they’re still the same, always the same, that’s enough.

It’s always enough if it’s him and Yuto.

“Am I really that annoying when I’m whiny?” Hyunggu asks then, because he’s too embarrassed to say anything else, because he’s pretty sure he’s all flushed from that kiss, because Yuto _loves_ him.

Yuto flashes a cheeky grin at him, face scrunching up to say, “Just a little bit.”

Before Hyunggu can scold him for his teasing, he steals another kiss, and another, and one more, because he can now, because it makes Hyunggu turn the prettiest shade of pink, because Hyunggu _loves_ him.

“But you’re fun too,” Yuto assures him, mischief replaced by a yawn, tired eyes already giving way to sleep. “I meant it when I said I had fun in New York, and I meant it when I said we’d go anywhere in the world when we get the chance.” He kisses Hyunggu once more, but it’s slower, softer, and like a promise, like a dream, he whispers, “Whenever, wherever, it’ll be fun as long as I’m with you.”

Hyunggu falls asleep to the sound of Yuto’s breathing, the feeling of his body against his, the idea that, in this moment, there’s no one else in the world but the two of them.

They might not be in the city of dreams anymore, but it’s still him and Yuto, it’s always him and Yuto, and Hyunggu thinks his dream has finally come true.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ao3kino), [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ao3kino)


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